I had gone for a check up with my OB on that Thursday. The ultrasound technician noticed something was different with my cervix. My OB came to check and she said she was concerned that my cervix was funneling and wanted me to get a second opinion with a specialist. That same day, she made the appointment to go see the specialist. The specialist checked and she said "Your little cowboy looks fine and your cervix looks great!" So I went on my merry way.
|He was just so perfect. My sweet little Jamieson Wade|
My worst fear was coming true. I had a gut feeling of what the doctor was going to say. "I'm so sorry, but you are having a miscarriage." Those are words no mommy to be wants to hear. This baby that we had prayed for and struggled to have was being taken back to heaven. All I could do at that moment is cry and pray, cry and pray. All the hugs and prayers I got were not enough to console me. My water did break on Saturday. My gut was right all along. The doctor gave us a few minutes and then came back and said I should go see my OB because he wasn't sure if it was a miscarriage. There was still hope that my baby was ok.
We rushed to see my OB and when she checked me, she confirmed that indeed I was miscarrying Jamieson. He was heading out and I needed to deliver him soon. She told me it was because I have an incompetent cervix. Everything was a blur and went by so fast. I felt numb. This was not happening to me. Why was it happening to me? I did everything right. I ate healthy, stayed active, and did everything I was told to do. Why?!
Why? Because this world was not ready for him. This ugly world we live in wasn't prepared for my amazing little angel. God wanted him back.
|I'll always love you and miss you dearly|
I won't ever forget that day. The day I delivered my sweet little boy too soon. Those 18 weeks I carried him in my womb, were the best weeks of my life. I know he's in a better place. He's with his other sibling (which I miscarried at 6 weeks on my hubs' birthday a year ago), family members, and friends that we have lost. God only knows why he wasn't meant to be in this world. But because of Jamieson and his sibling, I am a mom. I will always be a mom even if I end up not having anymore kids. I am a childless mother, but I am a mom.
|I am a Mom to two sweet angels.|
God always has a reason for things happening. We may never know why, but he does it because better things are yet to come. It's all in His time. My life has already been written. I just need to be patient and let Him guide me through this journey.