Friday, September 4, 2015

I know we're different but deep inside us we're not that different at all

Well, and there goes round 2 of IVF in the books. I just got the call from my Dr's office that my beta came back negative. I knew that it would and I prepared myself like I did last round, but for some reason, when I hear the actual words, they are like daggers going through my heart. The hard part is that I can't throw a pity party for myself because the hubs is home and I don't like crying in front of anyone. He knows I'm hurt and I can tell that he's hurt as well, but I have to put on a strong face, cause I am strong...right? Or at least I think I am, but maybe I'm not. Gosh. I just don't get it? Why me? Why us?! I know only God knows and it's in His perfect timing that it'll all come together, but I am still human and I still want to know why. Did I do something bad when I was young to deserve this? Will I not be a good mom? What? Why?! UGH. I'm just frustrated right now and I'm writing down what goes through my head every second of every day. This is me. My raw-self. Not holding anything back from anyone.

My doctor will call me and talk to me about what step to take next. I was so sure this one would work and the hubs and I even agreed that we would take a break till January to decide what we would do next. So do we have a next step? I just don't know. No, I'm not quitting just yet. We've only been trying for 3 1/2 years and had two loses, but that only makes me want to keep going. It's like I'm on this endless marathon that just doesn't end until I get to the finish line. I don't know how some of my fellow TTC sisters make it through round 4, 5, or 6 of IVF. That's a lot of heartbreak and a lot of dedication. 

Anyways, just wanted to share this news with everyone that has been waiting to hear from me whether I am or not. I have been sick for the past 3 days. I have an upper respiratory infection and a sinus infection. SUPER AWESOME...So nothing much has been going on other than me being stuck in bed trying to get better and playing the waiting game. I know I haven't been posting as much as I should, but some times I just need a break and most of the times I have nothing to write. Thank you again to all you kind people praying for us, sending us good thoughts, love, and sticky vibes, they are greatly appreciated. Well, may everyone have a great 3 day weekend. God bless!

P.S-Anyone want to bring me a few bottles of wine so I can drink my sorrows away? Just kidding...I'll be drinking my delicious prescription cocktail I got from the doc...ha! Much love <3

-Mrs. B

1 comment:

  1. Oh Sindi... you're the strongest person I know. Don't EVER doubt your strength. You're allowed to have moments of weakness but it will never mean that you are weak. I know with all my heart that you are and always will be a good mother. Not just good but incredible! I can't say anything to make you feel better but just know how many people love you and are praying for you. ❤